are you there j.law? it's us, margot and maude...
J.Law can you heeeeaaaar uuuuus?
J.Law can you seeeeee thiiiiiiiiiiis?
Cos seriously, we need to discuss your red carpet choices--it's killing us. You're better than this. You're better than always wearing a strapless dress that just hovers awkwardly and looks like it's about to fall off. Remember the 2013 Oscar's when you kept tugging at your strapless gown? Remember that?? Awful. Just awful.
There are so many things to discuss here:
1. You have a contract with Dior and therefore ONLY wear Dior on the red carpet. Unfortunately...
2. Raf Simons has not been killing it with his latest collections for Dior, at least not in terms of anything red carpet-worthy. Plus, when it comes to gowns he seems to be adhering to a stagnant, unsurprising strapless sensibility, which is fine except we all know...
3. (We don't want to be mean but) you don't look great in strapless necklines! You've said it yourself, the length from your shoulders to your breast-line is long! That is, you have a crazy long torso, therefore strapless gowns always look as though they're about to slip off your bod.
Exhibit A: These are all Dior (except one), and all strapless (except one), and all look…well…awkward.
The thing is, you look GREAT (absolutely GREAT!) in plenty of other necklines: plunging v-necks, halters, jewel necks, scoop necks...basically you look great in ANYTHING OTHER THAN STRAPLESS. Cos, let's face it, you're a babe.
Exhibit B: Examples of how a change in neckline can do wonders! Check out the red! Ba-zing-ga!
Rachel Zoe is your stylist and originally we wanted to place all the blame on her--Raych, get it together! But then we found out about the Dior contract and decided to lessen the blame. Key word: lessen. Listen Rachel, if Raf isn't making J.Law appropriate red carpet dresses then why don't we slip into the archives? Reese Witherspoon won her Oscar in vintage Dior! And it wasn't strapless! Wait a minute, Jen, why did you sign this Dior red carpet contract?? Don't get us wrong, the Dior ads are beautiful, do the ads, but do we need to drag it to the red carpet? Isn't it supposed to be about style? Not a catalogue for Dior's latest collection? So far this awards season you've worn these (from Dior fall 2013 couture):
The thing is, we know you're going to wear Dior to the Oscars, and not only is that no fun for us, but there are slim pickings. The spring 2014 couture offered about zero appropriate red carpet dresses (see for yourselves here), so we can narrow down your picks to like 3 dresses. And we don't even love them.
If we were able to break the Dior red carpet contract and dress you ourselves we would bring THESE dresses to the fittings! And you would look glorious, ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS!!
Ha! We love her face pasted on each look--hilarious. Tell us your faves!! Hate our picks? Which dresses would you choose?? Let us know!